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[15 Nov 2005|02:50pm] |
New LJ! crazyinlove112
Add me and I'll add you back.
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[21 Oct 2005|07:54pm] |
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So MSI was wonderful! I loved it! I didn't want to believe that it was over. :) I had a great night no matter what had happened.. as some people know between Dave and I... Things weren't so good the next day and sense I had a great day on wenesday then the rest of the month is gunna be horrible. Thats just how things go...
Things going wrong:
Dad... something with his heart :(
Brother.. :(
Sean :/
Dave :/
Rachal.. sorry wasn't my fault he asked if he could have one.
School.. just everything
I don't know how to deal with it cause theres no one there that I can just go to.. Sean has his own life and yeah we hang out but were not together... I feel that I can't cry on him anymore.. I did on thrusday because I just broke down but I feel that if he is gunna be there when I cry then he should be there all the time and that can't be.. as much as I still love him.. I just can't do it. I can't make myself think oh hes gunna be there the whole time for me and shit cause he isn't. And I thought what happened at the concert that Dave and I would have maybe had something to start.. but I guess not and I understand cause its hard to get out of long term relationships.. I know.. :/
I really just don't know where my life is..
Theres Kris and Melissa that I'm always with but I'm always smoking with them or doing E... I need to stop to get my life back on track but I can't handle everything. So many people might die or try to die and I need to help them and when I need to help myself thats what I go too.. No one helps me or so it seems.. no one is here when I need it. I truely just want to be held til I die from crying. I really just want to die but I'm needed.. and I will stay for those people. I will always be there for someone no matter how bad my problems are.. I have so much on my mind that I can't deal with cause I don't know how to.. I try and I try to help people and to some it gets through but others it doesn't... My brother.. I need him and he needs me.. there hasn't been a minute that I haven't thought of him sense I talked to him on the phone awhile go.. I've been trying and trying over and over again to get ahold of him.. no luck.. it sucked.. I love him.. besides my mom he is all I have.
I just want to go back to the concert it was a perfect night.. a perfect night be there, to be on E.. I loved every minute of it.. If I had to die.. I would have died that night.. I don't want to die unless I'm in someones arms that I love.. and I don't see that happening anytime soon.
I've been having crying spells like no other.. I just wanna give up...
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[18 Oct 2005|04:23pm] |
So i had always thought that your grades were between you and the teacher. Today I found that Kitchen is breaking the rules and she told Zack that I was failing.. She said its because Melissa left, and yes she left and she helped me, I am dyslexic and helped me understand what I couldn't from Kitchen.. So zack came in today and tried helping me the bell ran and Kitchen got pissed off that he was helping me even though she said it was okay! FUCKING BITCH!! Then she finally comes over after a half an hour and Joe and I bitching that shes never there!! Yeah were in Advanced II but still we need help its harder than the rest and we sometimes need help like the rest.. AHHH shes killing me.. and I have her for one hour but shes making me do more work than the two hours.. She is driving me crazy!!!!!! Shes been marking my work late because it wasn't done that day even though she doesn't mark other peoples.. I guess I'm just allowed to have that done to me cause all I do is sit and talk.. which is all I can do sense she doesn't help me!! KILL HER!!! ahh.. fuck.
Yup.. so my brother.. still no sign of him. We found Tracie!! I was so happy. :) I thought she died I was gunna cry!
MSI TOMORROW FUCK YEAH.. :)
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[17 Oct 2005|04:28pm] |
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Even after all this time, I'm still waiting for them to come back. It may not be best for me, but I can't help it, I believe they can change yet I know that they can't. :/ I want whats best for me but my heart wants something totally different. As friends I sit there and look at him then find out that I have the biggest smile on my face. We're good as friends but I want more. I knew that if we were to get away everything would be so much better. But it won't ever happen... There will always be that emptiness inside him that isn't filled, and he tries to look for more love... That love will never be filled by anyone else but his father and he can't see that. I believe that if they would have had their love together, he wouldn't be this way, always out there looking for more than what he needs. Maybe I'm just crazy? Maybe I just need him and miss him.. Or maybe I just want him to stop doing that to people. But It's been done to me and it feels good to be wanted after being broken up.. But its all the wrong way.
-I think mcyd's is cutting down my hours.. Hmm.. maybe cause I walked out? Oh well, I did something wrong, I guess I have to pay the price yet now I will never have any money!!! :/ This sucks I need a new job but I love working there, it's my home, it's where I feel comfortble at. Everyone that I love is there, I get along with everyone, I see my mom come home from there and shes bitches about Janet and other people do too.. yet I can sit there and talk to her for hours along with everyone else, There's only one person I believe I have to work on there and it's Diana.. but she really doesn't belong there, She does yet she doesn't. It's crazy. I don't know what to do.. I need more money.. I need to get away from drama, but I love the drama, Nicole and I have realized that if there wasn't any drama, we all wouldn't be such good friends, and always there for one another. :/
- School sucks! I have Kris, that's all and it's great to walk down the halls with her and having people look at us then talk shit. Then have people ask are you guys together. And we are.. But were not.. Were always there for one another but its non sexual.. I love it.. I love her. Shes the greatest person I know. I couldn't imagne my life without her. Then theres this kid.. but fuck him.. I want to kill him, just like he killed me.
- Drama... hmm Elliott.. needs to get away from Sarah, I love her and all but damn, the things I have found out.. ahh it drives me crazy cause I care for Elliott because were there for one another yet we hate each other. All lies.. all fucking lies I hate it.
I need to move but I can't, I'm attached to this place. I love it. I love the people. They make me feel like shit but others make me feel so needed even if they are on drugs and leave me the next night.
Off to mcyd's to switch hours with Linz :) <~~~ damn it, I miss working with her.
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[09 Oct 2005|10:27am] |
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So I walked out today. Really not a surprize.. If Holly wants to treat me with no respect then she gets none back. Fuck her.
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[02 Oct 2005|02:27pm] |
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So it seems like this person is lifting me up so high, but then letting me down all at the same time.. It's werid, cause when that person is around I could NOT stop smiling, and I haven't really done that in a long time. Lifes crazy and I hate it. Parents are still having money problems, looks like their back down to florida.. and because people like to cheat things are all messed up about my plans for living together. :/... I just wish that, that person wasn't so confusing.. all that they do is just like AHH do you like me or no? Cause to me it seems like it, and its confusing the hell outta me. :/
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[22 Sep 2005|06:00am] |
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So I'm crushed again.. whats new?
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[21 Sep 2005|05:10pm] |
He left me cryin' late one Sunday night outside of Boulder
He said he had to find himself out on the road
I guess when love goes wrong
You've gotta learn to be strong
So I worked two jobs and I moved three times
I ended up south of Memphis workin' down in Riverside
I may not be so lucky in love
But the one thing I'm sure of
I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me not own me
And I'll give all the love in my heart
Stand beside me
Be true don't tell lies to me
I'm not lookin' for a fantasy
I want a man that who stands beside me
I didn't expect to see him one hot July morning
His hair was longer but his eyes were the same old blue
He said, I've missed you for so long. Oh baby, what can I do
I said, I want a man that stands beside me
Not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me not own me
And I'll give all the love in my heart
It's hard to tell him no when I want him so bad
But I've got to be true to my heart This time
I'm not lookin' for a fantasy
I want a man who stands beside me
I want a man
Who stands beside me
Stand beside me
Stand beside me
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[21 Sep 2005|05:58am] |
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So my career that I was going for.. I'm no longer doing it. I'm going to create my company.. :) Only for the fact that I want to create houses on the computer, do the exterior designing and also the interior designing. You don't see many of those do you? It'd be so awesome, thats my dream right there. Besides moving to england.
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[07 Sep 2005|08:42pm] |
I can't stop crying...
yeah I cry a lot get over it...
I went for a brother image in someone sense I never really had a dad that would stay... I found you and now you gone on a trip on not so good terms with me.. My brother might be dead some where so I can't go to him.. and my mom is in her own world upset about another death.. I miss you and I miss my brother... I can't handle anything right now, cause truthfully this isn't even half of it.. I have only told one person. My dearly beloved sammy rae. Not even holly... sure we can talk and everything but still theres ah fuck it. I give up, I won't say shit on that one. I think I get my dana back though.. I've missed her.. her and i used to be unseperatable.. I know why she backed away now. I hope shes back... she cares for me.. and will be there for me.. not toy with my emotions.. which is total off the subject but sam knows what im talking about...
so much fucking things i wrote won't make sense.. maybe you can try and peice them together.. have fun. Don't call me unless I'm really needed cause I'm really upset with you. And no I don't want to talk about it. *hmm it's not sean or brandon.. i wonder who it could be*
FUCK YOU
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[02 Sep 2005|07:29pm] |
Um.. Life has been interesting...
I'm not sure about anything anymore...
I hope that my parents are moving to florida in July..
I would be moving with sean and brandon and maybe somewhere..
I hope in danielle's old house in roseville.
Away from this fucking place..
AHH
I hate people...
I really do...
I love and hate..
You really need to get yourself together than think that were really going to be together forever..
:( You hurt me .. everyday.. you say you love me but you don't...
I HATE YOU....
YOU MAKE ME SICK TO MY TUMMY...
FUCK YOU...
FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU..
I hate how you do this to me..
You leave me at work with no ride..
-So I started crying my eyes out when Holly was trying to get her phone turned back on. She didn't see it though.. thats werid... you AHHH FUCK YOU!
I want to escape everything..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
fuck you
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[06 Aug 2005|08:22pm] |
On July 31th.. I believe I went with Holly to her parents house to get Some stuff for the camping trip... She went to go get something I think a glass of soda.. but anyways I sat and talked with her parents and I watched them bicker.. (sp) And I saw Sean and Myself and I just laughed it was great. :) After that I think I went home and passed out.
Aug 1st!... The beginning of the camping trip.. thanks to two people we got a later start, and Jackie was also pissed that we all met up there... Got there in like 30-35 minutes cause of seans driving and racing jermey in his van. The fucker ran other something on the road like a broken couch it was funny. Got there set up. Lived on Air Heads. Sweetish (sp) fish, air heads, arbys, hot dogs, bread, and smores for three days. Went swimming. Took a shower which sean which was interesting and I was glad to see the people to clean the bathrooms the next morning cause after that night they needed to be cleaned. Chilled by the fire and just passed out with Sean with a tent and got woking up saying that he is taking brandon home. Wow okay whatever leave me alone in the tent.
Aug 2nd... Same shit mostly yet this time We went to the mall, I got two new books, socks that matches with Dani's, And I don't remember the rest.
Aug 3rd.. woke up to Sean's ass crack like everyone did looking in the tent.. covered it up or atleast tried and then packed up, left, left last, stopped somewhere to get food, and yet we still caught up with jermey.. haha.
It was a trip I will always remember..
Three most things~
Sean calling me names like hun, babe... which was werid and made it seemed like we were married...
Lindz and Holly.. haha :)
Dani and Josh. Okay wow.. lol
<3
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[30 Jul 2005|05:10pm] |
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My dreads will be here this thursday!! And I'm going to get another tattoo after I pay my mommy back yess!! :)... Probably another after that. I love my mom:)
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[22 Jul 2005|10:49am] |
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Don't know if I can last any longer... The things from before are killing me inside.
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[15 Jul 2005|05:53pm] |
Got my tattoo :). I give all thanks to Linz!! :-P
imallyours112
1- post this in your journal
2- remove the stars
3- replace yourusername with your real user name
4- then see what color you are
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[25 Jun 2005|06:48pm] |
Holly left me :(... shes like a million miles away... :( Oh well.
I think I am going to move. I have to make the choice soon.. :/... I wanna start over in a new place, and I kind of think I would be better off there.
All I'm doing is not sleeping or crying myself to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yhea you bleed just to know you're alive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
Pretty girl, pretty girl
Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?
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[22 Jun 2005|02:31am] |
So I'm going to be up at Bayorama.. all day tomorrow maybe??? :).. My plans are too, Hang out with nicole and then go up to mcyd's till Sara/James calls me so I can hang out with them.. and who knows from there.. plans might even change??
*If your going to be there steph call me 662-1515.. I miss you horribliy.. :)*
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[17 Jun 2005|05:15pm] |
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Friday I'm going to bayorama... Mark be there so I can see you.
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[16 Jun 2005|10:44pm] |
So I'm getting dreads...
Will show pictures once they are made :)
Sara.. I desided on Burnt orange instead
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[07 Jun 2005|06:01pm] |
You think I'm ready for another relationship, or should I cool it for awhile..?
*This person makes me really happy at the moment... I truely can't stop smiling..
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